Common things to look out for, avoid and pay attention to when dating in the modern world.

When entering a relationship or situationship, all of a sudden you're colorblind; completely oblivious to the toxicity that's staring you right in the face. All those flashing red flags automatically look green, and instead of planning your escape, you're planning your future with this person who...probably isn't right for you. 

In attempt to save yourself from a year long talking stage (that will likely go absolutely no where) and probable heartbreak, these are"red flags" to pay attention to and who knows? You might even discover that you have a few too...

The one that can’t let go

Babe...it's time to move on! As much as the conversation is important, in order to understand each other better, no one wants to constantly hear about an ex. Comparing relationships or finding any and every way to bring up the past relationship?...clearly they're not ready to be in a new one. That person can't give you 100% of them, because 75% of them is still in their last relationship. Do the mature thing and give them time to heal, and if the feelings are still there ONCE THEY'VE HEALED! Maybe try again? 

Ps. If they tell you that their 'ex's are crazy'....RUN

Codependency

To the people wanting their partners to be "obsessed" with them, I just need to ask if you're okay?..The first thing that immediately comes to mind is the series 'YOU', and I just can't imagine how anyone could crave a Joe??? With the exception of the...murders and...kidnap, his ability to jump from relationship to relationship, is more common than you think! These people are unable to be alone and depend on partners for emotional stability, and although they won't accidentally get you killed (hopefully), you may be left drained and resenting them. Of course you should emotionally support one another in a relationship, but there's a large difference between that and relying solely on someone else for your overall happiness and emotional wellbeing. 

Bombers of "love"

It's two days into talking, you might've facetimed once...but they're already telling you they love you? How much they see a future together, but they don't even know your mothers name yet? Sorryyy, that's just madness!! I believe in true love and all that rubbish however, there physically hasn't been enough time for them to develop feelings for you; they barely even know you! Love bombing is actually a serious issue, and will leave you very confused as soon as they start to withdrawal. I'm not saying it's wrong to feel how you feel, but in the earliest stages, take everything with a pinch of salt! 

Controlling

Control may be one of the biggest and brightest flags of them all, and comes in many forms. Someone could be manipulating you; gaslighting you and you're so blinded by love, that you don't even realise! It's not as simple as telling you what to wear or "allowing" you to go out. It could be little comments that make you feel bad about yourself, that you brush off as "jokes", or just not letting you to think for yourself and make your own decisions. They know exactly what they're doing, and the damage isn't temporary. If you find yourself in the situation, don't be fooled by the 'I do this because I love you', because that's not love. Choose yourself and leave, because these people are unlikely to change.

It's hard to speak generally about this topic because it's very specific to the individual. What I may consider to be a giant red flag may be bright green for someone else, so base you conclusions on your own situation.  If however you've read this and had some sort of breakthrough, I'm glad you're doing what makes you happy...but please don't send your ex to my door x 

The Archives, Locked